Would I Lie To You, Honey?

Being open to as many job opportunities as possible gives you a career edge. More choices. More experience. More capability, compounding over time. In our Move Up or Move On book, we call this being an Opportunity Seeker. 

But other considerations, often personal in nature, may cause you to limit your opportunity set, either temporarily or permanently.  At some stage, you’re going to have to decide whether to share those limitations with your organisation. 

Take a high potential who's offered an international rotation. She's mid-way through fertility treatment. She doesn't want to explain that to her boss. She also doesn't want to keep declining stretch assignments for the next two years while the "goodies" go to people who said yes, no explanation required of them. That's the bind we're talking about.

Honesty is the best policy, right?  

There are three reasons to share any limitations you may have regarding certain career prospects.  

1. Transparency enables a two-way dialogue about what’s possible. That dialogue can’t happen effectively if the organisation isn’t aware of your boundaries. You may end up spending a lot of time mulling over enticing offers that you simply can't pursue right now. By discounting the options that aren’t possible, you can focus on what is possible to advance your development and career.  You can more clearly signal the aspirations that you’re open too, and stress the importance of these to you, especially given that some choices available to others aren’t options for you.  

2. Sharing your boundaries can also reduce friction.  It can be frustrating for organisations to offer jobs to high-potential talent, and to have those offers turned down without clarity as to the “why”.  In the absence of transparency, you risk a game of career “go fish”, where the organization, and its leaders, try to guess your intentions.  It’s ok in the short term, but over time, organizations have limited patience for guessing games.  

3. It builds your reputation. You might simply feel that, as a general (life) rule, being open and honest is the way to go.  Being straightforward has the potential to enhance your reputation as a mature talent, willing to discuss the impact of personal choices on professional development.   

   
   

But before setting up that candid career conversation,  understand the potential downsides. 

Would I lie to you, honey? 

We don't recommend lying. But there's a real case for being selective about what you share, and it isn't dishonesty. It's judgment.

Three reasons to hold back:  

1. Planning cuts both ways. Organizations want to understand our career boundaries so they can plan. The organization’s plans may happily co-exist with the employee’s aspirations, but business leaders will put the enterprise first.  They should.  That’s their job.  If you share your limitations, talent planning will be shaped by your boundaries, including investments in development, coaching, assignments, exposure, and more. In general, limitations to take up certain roles will limit your access to the "goodies" reserved for those open to more options.  In communicating that you want to “keep your options open”, rather than specific limitations, you increase the likelihood you’re considered when development planning happens. 

2. Not every decision-maker is sophisticated about this. Positively or negatively, decision-makers have a point of view on our choices.  Depending on their values, you may be wisely putting family first for now, or lacking drive and ambition.  You may be thoughtful about your development or “picky about roles”.  The best organisations are sophisticated in their approach to talent management.  Personal boundaries are simply one other factor considered when determining role allocation.  But not all organizations have this maturity.  And many leaders don’t, either.     

3. Some of it is just private. An argument that isn’t often made, but one I’ve grown increasingly sensitive to, is privacy.  The reasons for our career boundaries can be professional, e.g., “I’m not moving internationally - it’s high risk and takes me away from HQ exposure …” but limitations are, for the most part, personal.  Your health, your love life, my children, your finances … These are fundamental to you.   While many people are happy to disclose personal facts, there are simply some personality types that are inherently private.  They need to keep personal information to themselves.  It isn’t a lack of transparency.   It’s who they authentically are.  Increasingly, organisations, especially as we strive to be more diverse, must accept that part of individual difference is comfort with openness.  

   
   

Say This Instead

You don't have to choose between full disclosure and silence. There's a middle move: name the shape of the boundary without naming the cause.

"I'm not ready to get into the specifics. What I can tell you: I want to stay in the mix for a regional leadership role. International relocation isn't right for me for the next two years."

That's the whole script. It keeps you visible for what you do want, takes you out of consideration for what you don't, and gives the organization something to plan around without requiring you to hand over anything personal.

Should You Disclose the Specifics? 

Our recent LinkedIn poll showed that approximately 80% of respondents believed that the benefits of transparency outweigh the potential costs. This reflects a belief that, all else being equal, we all win when we cooperate in the planning and delivery of development, growth, and career success.  

Ask yourself two questions as you consider how much to share:

1. Is your organisation relatively sophisticated in Talent Management? Are development planning and career conversations part of formal processes? Does your company identify potential and work with it to maximise outcomes for all?

2. Do you trust the specific people who'd hold this information? Where your trust in leadership is high, transparency is beneficial. It can enable a partnership. 

Yes to both: disclose the specifics. It becomes useful data instead of a liability. If the environment and decision makers are mature, share your boundaries and treat them as conditions to be worked with. 

Yes to one, no to the other: use the script above. Name the shape, not the cause. If your assessment suggests the likelihood of judgement is high, that your choices risk being misinterpreted, if investments in development are scarce, being slower to communicate may make strategic sense.  

No to both: say as little as the situation allows. Nothing obligates you to hand personal information to an organization that hasn't earned it.

A Final Word 

Many companies have, as their stated position, that employees “own their career”.  Companies got to this position not out of a desire to empower, but because decades of economic uncertainty made it necessary. Today, talent is scarce.  Employees can afford to take their maxim “you own your career” to heart.  Own your career, including your boundaries, review your context and be deliberate about disclosing.  

Career competence isn’t innate.  Whether we are talking about your vision of career success, the limitations you have in pursuing that vision, or the much smaller issue of how you share those limitations with others, intentionality is key.  Be as thoughtful in this as you are in other aspects of your life.  After all, you spend too much of your life at work not to.  

The views expressed are those of the authors and do not represent the views of any institutions with which they are affiliated.